May 30, 2013

365 Project :: 2,060 Squat Challenge and Thoughts.

A 365 do over, what? Yeah ...  I'm calling a do over because I went almost two weeks of not really eating right, even though I kept my portions small I still wasn't eating the right stuff, so I'm calling a do-over!

Above is my current weight, which is 177 lbs. Yes I know, I am awful, I'm starting over AGAIN. Rome wasn't built in a day.  I just have to keep telling myself that I CAN.

This morning I've mostly stayed in the house, I had some major laundry work to do, it was to the point where the more laundry I did the thought of being a nudest wasn't really that scary. Majority of laundry consisted of my little ones belongings from piles and piles of socks. Hopefully the drier doesn't eat them again, I can't tell you how many times I've had to buy brand new pairs of socks for everyone!

I realize by the time I sit down at the end of the day, I've forgotten most of what I wanted to type about. So I'm going to star writing things down to make it much easier for me. 

So it's day two and I'm already having temptations, lack of motivation, and feeling just down right blah! But I am pushing through it, it also doesn't help that I feel so tired all the time either. I've been looking at finding myself a little 'pick-me-up' and also something to help curve my hunger and help me boost my fat burning lady power LOL! I've been reading the reviews on this supplement pill:

From what I have seen on the reviews it's really good and a lot of people have had great results on it. I don't know about the whole 'magic pill' thing, but if it will possibly boost my energy then I am willing to try it at least. But I want to do all of my research first before I just go out and buy something I know nothing about.

I'm still looking into getting a gym membership, but there are so many it's overwhelming, and do I get a calorie counting watch too? I've been looking into this little guy :

One of my girlfriends has one of these and she's always posting pictures of her progress in her workouts. And this little guy seems like it would make tracking everything a little easier for me.

I have been flowing a gym  ( that I'm looking at getting a membership) on facebook and decided to take part in their 2,060 Squat Challenge.

 Squat for a month for a super cute booty!? Heck yes, sign me up please!

I’m currently 177 pounds and I am only 27 pounds away from my first goal: 150… and only 42 pounds away from my ultimate goal weight: 135

There are so many emotions tied into this. Why? Because it’s something that I want more than you could ever imagine… and because I've seen so many people reach their goal only to put all the weight back on.

Hey, it happened to ME before! well, I didn't exactly reach my goal, but I did go from 200 to 150 and then back to 165 which I ended up staying that weight for about two years. I wish I could tell you WHY it happened though, it’s something I've never been able to figure out.

Is it because I couldn't maintain the healthy lifestyle?
Is it because I wasn't strong enough?
Is it because I didn't have support?
Is it because I stopped caring about myself?

All of these things are floating through my mind as I start to work closer to that number.

What makes this time different then the last?

I’m actually petrified! Scared to death.

I’m scared that once I reach my goal weight, I still won’t be as happy as I want to be. I'm terrified that once I get there I wont find a happy medium, I've blamed my weight on so many things in my life… and once it’s no longer an issue, what can I use to blame?!

Oh, Natasha’s unhappy? It’s because she’s fat.
Oh, Natasha has no friends? It’s because she’s fat.
Oh, Natasha never leaves her home? It's because she's fat.

You get the picture.

The worst part:  I’m absolutely terrified of letting everyone else around me down. I do NOT want them to see me fail AGAIN

Despite my fears and my doubts, I will not give up. I just have to have faith in myself and be brave. I am only human after all.


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